philosoraptor42

Aaaaagh! I can't take anymore.

I've just given up on this Woody Allen movie which received a very respectable 82% on Rotten Tomatoes. What the hell is wrong with these bloody critics.

First of all, the voiceover narration. Why, oh why? I mean seriously, what idiot decided that it would be a good idea to have an annoying bloke tell us in voiceover that one of the characters is moved by spanish guitar music. We can tell! She's sitting there listening to spanish guitar music and looking enthralled by it. This can be said about pretty much every bit of voiceover narration I've seen in the movie. We don't need it, it's just irritating. Stop it!

First thing we are told is that one of the characters Vicky is very analytical and down-to-earth, whereas Scarlett Johansson's character Cristina is supposed to be a little immature and reckless. But yeah, we are going to see this later, so the whole decision to tell us in advance is not only annoying and pointless, but makes very clear to us how cliched and boring the rest of the film is likely to be.

Then we have 'the bad guy from No Country For Old Men' turning up as a charming spanish painter who recently had a big split from his previous girlfriend (where they threatened to kill one another). So who better as a love interest, eh? This spanish painter comes to the two girls' table and suggests they come with him that night to a lovely place he knows in Spain by plane and they can spend the weekend looking at sites, drinking fine wine, eating good food and making love - to both of them. Naturally Vicky is having nothing to do with it partly because she's engaged but mostly because she's got some semblance of sanity. Cristina, on the other hand says "okay let's see what happens but I'm not promising anything" and Vicky ends up coming along to make sure nothing happens to her. What follows are some rather irritating bits of dialogue about ideas of love and romance that sound like they come straight out of Dawson's Creek. Oh, and the spanish painter can't stop talking about his ex-girlfriend - what a turn on!

Anyway, la-de-da-de-da... Vicky ends up sleeping with the guy. Oh what a surprise this would be if this weren't already a horrendously cliched movie which substitutes voiceover narration for character development! The acting is alright, but the dialogue is awful and I'm really not terribly interested in finding out what happens next. Maybe once Penelope Cruz's character turns up it was going to get dramatically better, but somehow I doubt it.

Apparently this is a comedy. Maybe my problem is that I've missed the joke?

1/5 - Do not touch with a bargepole!